


you're with me, not someone else

by sugarcubeshiro



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Flashbacks, Light Angst, M/M, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon Fix-It, Season/Series 08, background veronica/acxa and ryan/james, canon compliant including the epilogue but there's no actual wedding, minor mention of non-romantic shiro/curtis, rating is for the fic as a whole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-08
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-11-13 15:44:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18034499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarcubeshiro/pseuds/sugarcubeshiro
Summary: “No,” Shiro says, stern, like he really is talking to his spoiled adorable little daughter. “I'm not getting myself some random boyfriend for some weird publicity stunt or whatever.”“You have to!” Veronica exclaims and lifts her hands like she's two seconds away from grabbing the front of Shiro's uniform jacket to shake some sense into him, freezing at Shiro's wide-eyed stare. She quickly straightens up at the realization of how desperate she sounded, clearly trying to save face. “I mean, uh – it's… what I mean is – …”“Yes,” Shiro says, deadpan, “do go on, Veronica. Tell me what you meant.”~Post s8. Shiro's trying to deal with the Atlas crew and their increasingly irresponsible use of Kinkade's camera. Veronica has an idea that can't mean anything but trouble.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i started this right after the season first dropped because i've never been able to ignore canon before, so this was my way of trying to heal and have everything still happen, but in a way where i could at least... somewhat... accept it. which obviously meant trying to put some humor in there.
> 
> since i did end up being able to completely ignore s8 and it's what i do nowadays, i never got around to start posting it, but i figured i might as well do it now if there's anyone out there who still needs it. ♥

**New Altea, Present Day**

~

“You should get yourself a man.”

Shiro glances up at Veronica over the glasses perched low on the bridge of his nose from where he’s sitting at the desk in his office on the Atlas. “Hello to you too, Veronica. Did you need something?”

“No, seriously. Hear me out. I know you’ve been having some,” she twists her mouth to the side, seeming to pick her words carefully, “… _issues_ … with a certain particularly dedicated part of your fanbase – ”

“Is that what we’re calling harassment and stalking nowadays?”

“Oh c’mon, it’s not _that_ bad – ”

“I had to get four bodyguards to join me last time we were on Earth to even be able to visit the Garrison’s market.” Shiro jabs a finger at his own chest. “Me! Bodyguards!”

“Alright, so you’re popular with the mainstream crowd, why do you always have to make it sound like that’s such a bad thing? But anyway, like I said, I have an idea on how to fix this.”

Shiro fights back the urge to groan, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I never asked for this. It’s your fault this whole mess even started. You think I would ever trust your input on anything related to dating again?”

“First of all, it was _not_ my fault, it was your stupid beautiful face and perfectly sculpted body, thank you very much,” Veronica says.

Shiro gives her a long hard stare, because he might be used to getting some attention – both from his days spent practically being the posterboy for the Garrison in his early twenties, and later finding out he was a hit even among the aliens during The Voltron Show’s glory days – but it’s never been this intense before.

Not until a bunch of certain crew members of his ship decided apparently what the universe _really_ needed to see was Shiro, Captain of the Atlas, shirtless and grunting while doing pull-ups.

It _is_ his own damn fault, Shiro supposes, for approving of them uploading weekly updates of their so-called ‘documentary’ and agreeing to be included in the footage without personally double-checking everything before it went online. Gullible, perhaps, but Shiro had simply expected it to be a little more about their lives as space explorers and peacekeepers of the Universe, and a little less Kinkade secretly zooming in on the sweat sliding down Shiro’s chest and past his abs for forty-five minutes while Shiro was working out.

“I’m going to stop going to the gym because of all of you,” Shiro says. “My muscles will deflate and I’ll grow an awful patchy beard and wear my glasses outside of this office and cut off my beautiful voluminous bangs. See how many people are lining up to date me after _that_.”

Veronica puts her hands on her hips. “Do you even hear yourself and what you’re complaining about? You’re a sought-after bachelor! People are literally lining up to dick you down!”

“ _Why_ are we talking about this, again?”

“And like, alright if you don’t want to date a crazy fan,” Veronica continues, completely ignoring him, “I get that, but you’ve refused to even consider any of the options I’ve presented too. Even though I know deep down you actually do want a cute little hubby to cuddle up next to, no matter how much you’d like to pretend work is all that matters to you.”

Shiro makes a noncommittal noise, waving a hand in vague response to her claim. Veronica will get the gist of his feelings. Hopefully. “I’m too busy to date. I’ve told you.”

“Yeah, but when was the last time you even got laid?” Veronica asks and Shiro thanks whatever higher deity in charge of deciding these things for giving him a brilliant poker face.

“I fail to see how that is any of your business, McClain. Now – stop trying to meddle in my love life.”

He watches as she takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly between her teeth. “Shiro. Takashi. Shirogane. Takashi Shirogane, Captain. Sir. I’m just saying, if you got yourself a man – ”

“ _Thank you_ for your concern, Veronica, but I don’t want to ‘get myself a man’. I don’t want to date. I don’t want you guys to keep pushing how I’m ‘single and ready to mingle’ for views when we’d get all of those by – I don’t know, just filming the view while up in space or something. People do care about those things.”

“But I – ”

“I don’t even want to be thinking about any of this at all! Especially not now, when there’s already so much to do before I’m leaving, and I – … you know, I just wanted to be able to focus on myself for a while, but now I’ll have to worry about getting a bunch of stalkers trailing after me while I’m out there instead. On what was supposed to be something relaxing, for once. Which, may I remind you, all of you are usually so happy about trying to make me take time for. Maybe I shouldn’t even go at all now since someone might – ”

“Oh my god but that’s what I’m _saying_ , dumdum,” Veronica finally cuts in, throwing her hands up. “Listen, man. I know we might have… gone a little overboard, what with the – whole personalized matchmaking form we uploaded for people to fill out to see how compatible you’d be with them and everything – ”

“You did what now exactly?”

“ – but _trust me_ , had we known the whole website would crash from it, we would’ve reconsidered everything about this a long time ago even if you didn’t disapprove. So yeah. Maybe it was a little too much, although I do swear our intentions were good, but – like I’ve been trying to say a million times by now, I know how to fix this. So consider this my peace offering. My apology for sending you to the wolves right before you’re leaving us all and becoming vulnerable to drooling mobs attacking from all corners of the universe while you’re out there all alone in space.”

“Somehow I don’t believe you,” Shiro says, squinting his eyes when Veronica grins.

“But you’ll still hear me out?”

Admitting wanting to hear what she has to say is the last thing he wants to do, but Shiro does wonder what she’s thinking, so he settles for letting out a resigned sigh. “I spent years living with your brother and I’ve known you long enough by now to know that’s not really a question, since you’ll just do what you want regardless.”

“Great!” Veronica walks closer to hop onto the side of the desk where there’s a clean spot, dangling her legs a little as she leans in and looks at Shiro conspiratorially. “So. Well. While as we’ve established there have been numerous advances made recently and you’ve been incredibly uncomfortable with the idea of anyone desiring you sexually – ”

“ _I’m not_ – ”

“Shu-hush!” Veronica holds up her finger in front of his mouth. “Just – sit there and look pretty while I talk.”

Shiro doesn’t care too much about whether he actually succeeds or not at that particular request, but he does try to do as he’s told, only to get this over with as quick as possible if nothing else. “…Fine. Proceed.”

“ _But_ ,” she says, pausing for effect and looking at him like she’s going to present the greatest battle strategy to ever blow his mind, “if you have a man in your life, people would probably stop, yeah? You’d be off the market. At least it’d quiet down the majority of people fighting for your hand.”

“Great metaphor for an amputee with a badass magical floating arm people would, and have, fought me for.”

“…Hate your sense of humor,” Veronica mutters under her breath, shaking her head to herself in disappointment. “So much.”

“Need I remind you, _again_ , your meddling and trying to get me to date is what caused all this stir in the first place.”

“People have eyes, Shiro.”

“And I still don’t want, or need, a man in my life.”

“Right. So you should pretend you have one.”

“What?” Shiro stares at her as he lets her words sink in. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I am!” she says, grinning far too wide for someone without ulterior motives, and Shiro squints his eyes again.

“And just why are you sounding so excited about it?”

Veronica squirms a little in place, crossing her arms. “I, uh. Well, I won’t deny it’ll bring in good views for the show, but – ”

“Views for the – … _Veronica_ – ”

“Hey, listen, man! It’s not _all_ for us, it’s just…” She plasters another wide smile back on her face, bright and blinding like a kid asking her rich daddy for a pony, knowing full well he won’t be able to resist her adorable charm. “This way we both get what we want?”

“Oh my god,” Shiro mutters, thankful for his huge metal palm so he can hide his whole face when he puts his hand to his forehead and stares down at the floor. “Weren’t you _just_ trying to really drive home how available I am for the show’s sake?”

“Yeah…” Veronica says slowly, like Shiro really is just acting a fool on purpose at this point, “sure, but since our star turned out to be all sensitive and stuff about that, we’ll obviously have to compromise – and if you get yourself a sweetheart, viewers will still go nuts, even if it’s in a different way from what we originally had planned.”

“Veronica,” Shiro repeats for what feels like the thousandth time, promptly pushing the images of a too familiar face flashing through his mind at the mention of getting a _sweetheart_ to the back of his head, where the thoughts can hopefully stay until they turn dusty and forgotten.

“You won’t even have to worry about doing anything – Rizavi and I will script it all, make it easy for you. We’ll just gently start by sneaking in little moments between the two of you, then, _bam!_ Big reveal, Captain’s got a hot secret boyfriend all along, and now people are salivating to know when the next glimpse of you two will show up.”

“ _No_ ,” Shiro says, stern, like he really is talking to his spoiled adorable little daughter. “I’m not getting myself some random boyfriend for some weird publicity stunt or whatever.”

“You have to!” Veronica exclaims and lifts her hands like she’s two seconds away from grabbing the front of Shiro’s uniform jacket to shake some sense into him, freezing at Shiro’s wide-eyed stare. She quickly straightens up at the realization of how desperate she sounded, clearly trying to save face. “I mean, uh – it’s… what I mean is – …”

“Yes,” Shiro says, deadpan, “do go on, Veronica. Tell me what you meant.”

“Okay, _fine_ , stop looking at me like that. So maybe we kind of really do need something like this right now, because you selfishly refuse to let us objectify you sexually for our own gain, and Acxa is away with the blades so we can’t do anything romantic for the two of us – and Ryan still refuses to talk about his relationship _or_ have anyone ask James about it. Like, I know he claims he’s not into having that sort of public spotlight put on their relationship, but seriously? Between the two of us, I just think Griffin’s into some really nasty shit in the bedroom and he would _not_ be afraid to talk about it on camera if – ”

Shiro lets out a garbled noise and Veronica thankfully stops talking. “I – how exactly would this convince me I should want to deal with this? You seriously think I should just be happy playing the part of your juicy little side-plot romance in an amateur – … I don’t even know what to call your weird little hobby soap opera you’re all shooting.”

“Yes. You should absolutely be happy about it.”

“No. And I’m not doing it.”

“But I told you! It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement! You’d stop getting all those suitors after you. Well, some of them at least. Probably. You win some, you lose some. The life of a celebrity.”

“Not a celebrity. And I told _you_ , having even a handful of suitors after me is still more than I ever asked for, so I don’t see how putting myself out there even more would help. Plus, there’s no mystery man for me to even do this whole thing with, anyway, and we all know I’m a terrible actor, so. Good luck on making it look natural even if I did agree to it.”

Veronica gets a dangerous glint in her eyes as she smiles and leans in a little. “How about Curtis?”

“What?” Shiro squeaks, because blessed as his poker face might be in most situations when he’s the Captain, the superior officer – warm but distant and just the right amount of personal – the one thing he has never been able to keep his cool and control around is anything related to his _actual_ love life. “What – what about him?”

“He’s into guys, right? You wouldn’t even have to act.”

“Oh so just because we both like men we’ll automatically be a logic match? That’s a very outdated mindset, Veronica,” Shiro snaps, voice far too tight and high as he fidgets in his seat, picking up a pen only to immediately put it back down again, rubbing at his neck instead.

So what if maybe they’d slept that one time. Or had a do-over again a couple of weekends later. It gets lonely out in space sometimes, after all, and as much as Shiro would love it if he actually didn’t care about having a man in his life and his nosy crew believed his sexual drive to be non-existent, it doesn’t make it true. Curtis is cute, and a friend, and, yes, into guys, and was good enough in bed both times Shiro could almost pretend it hadn’t even hurt afterwards when his brain desperately tried to remind himself it wasn’t what – or more specifically _who_ – he wants, no matter how nice it had been.

Still. Nice. It had been _nice_.

He’s allowed to have that. He’s allowed to seek that connection with someone, no matter how fleeting, and Shiro’s never cared too much for casual hook-ups with people he doesn’t even know, so it’s not like it’s a regular habit of his. Being with a guy he likes as a person and knows he can trust had been – well… nice.

Then again, Shiro thinks, his heart sinking a little as he frowns at his desk and the pile of paperwork waiting in front of him. Maybe Veronica is right, in a way, about all of this.

Does he even _know_ if he cares for casual hook-ups?

As a teenager during what might have been his prime time for sexual adventures and tumbling around with strangers or classmates or whatever, apart from some brief flings here and there to still the worst of both his curiosity and his need, Shiro never let himself focus on anything like that. He spent most of his time studying and piloting and hitting the gym, trying to decide whether a low-carb high-fat diet or stuffing himself with tons of fruits and vegetables would end up being most beneficial for his muscles and his body in the long run. There were no weekly parties or casual uses of hook-up apps or paying attention to any advances beyond the point of quickly learning how to plaster on a smile and politely turn people down.

Because if he let himself think too much about any of it, Shiro would have to admit, even to himself, that what he wanted the most – what he’s always wanted the most – was the romantic part of it all.

Thinking about intimacy and relationships meant facing how much he longed for things he could never have, would be welcoming what would always be nothing but a childish daydream for him. The thought of loving and being loved by someone who felt the same was only ever meant to be a hurtful reminder of what he would never get for himself. Being swept off your feet, living together happily ever after, building a family that stayed together and fought for each other, finding that someone to call your own – those would always be things out of reach.

He’d just turned twelve when he learned there wouldn’t be a long life in store for his future, whether he was alone or spending it with someone else. It hurt his parents enough to break them apart, and Shiro decided early on he would never put that on anyone else, would never let them _love_ him. Not when there was no ‘ever after’ for him to dream of, not when if he was lucky he might – _might_ – just make it to thirty, and then…

Then there wouldn’t be much left at all.

Adam was the only guy he ended up falling hard enough for Shiro pulled down the curtains on all of his fears, the only person making Shiro ignore all of his previous promises not to let himself get attached so deeply. Already friends by the point Shiro realized it had happened, there wasn’t much he could do to stop himself from being blinded by the wonderful bliss of _happiness_ , letting it cloud his judgment to the point of wanting to forget everything about degenerative diseases and a short life expectancy. Still, that – ended up going the way it did.

So, no, his younger years were hardly something to brag about in terms of gaining experience from a multitude of men and testing what he would want and prefer beyond fantasies.

And once Shiro thought he’d somehow still managed to find a fantasy he could keep, he spent the years leading up to leaving for Kerberos sharing his life and his bed with the same man, who wasn’t right for him at all in the end. After their sour breakup and hurtful-yet-not-unexpected heartache, it’s not like Shiro ever had time to fit being a walking Casanova into his schedule somewhere between the whole ‘traveling alone out in space with the Holts’ and ‘getting held captive for over a year by an alien race only to end up dead for almost just as long’ parts of his life either.

Maybe now really _would_ be the time for things to be different, when things could turn around and change for him. The setup seems near perfect enough, as much as the losses and hardships of the past still linger and hurt. They’re living in a peaceful galaxy, Shiro’s had his lifelong dream of having his own spaceship come true, and despite the weirdness of – for some reason – gaining impaired eyesight, the clone body his consciousness now occupies seems close to infallible in every other way, no longer carrying his muscular disease. He’s working on himself through therapy, spending most of his time doing what he loves, and every day he feels closer to figuring out how to face the demons of his past without the memories ending up consuming him.

Maybe Shiro should start thinking about letting someone into his life and his heart again. Or consider even just having a little more _fun_ more often than his teenage self ever did.

…But.

Somewhere between getting rescued by his best friend after Shiro got strapped down by Garrison personnel after fleeing from his imprisonment, and that same best friend of his being the reason Shiro could even wake up in another version of his own body – breathing and brought back to life – it hit Shiro hard in his heart so forcibly he’s felt changed to his core ever since; he is utterly, completely, devastatingly head over heels in _love_ with his best friend, to the point where Shiro can’t see himself falling for anyone else ever again.

Not when his heart still beats because of the kid Shiro personally handpicked and put at the Garrison by sheer will and winning smile alone, since said kid had a juvie record and would have been automatically excluded without someone to vouch for him. Not when his heart still beats for the boy who grew up to be so beautiful Shiro can still barely wrap his head around how it happened; Keith, who is the strongest person Shiro’s ever known, the most amazing man he’s ever met.

There’s nothing about any circumstances of Shiro’s life that could change, no hardships falling away and making room for him to finally trust others again, nothing that could smooth things out and make it easier for Shiro to let himself try to find someone new to consider wanting to share his life with.

Not when Shiro's heart still is, and always will be, desperately Keith's and Keith's alone.

Keith.

The boy who since long by now might be a man – and already was at the time Shiro’s feelings shifted for him – but who has always, always seen himself as Shiro’s baby brother.

Shiro doesn’t need therapy two times a week to realize how messed up his own feelings are, given that small detail.

It doesn’t matter if it’s not how he’s ever seen them himself.

Doesn’t matter if Shiro always used to think he was more of a buddy first and foremost, maybe a cool-older-mentor-turned-mostly-friend right from the start, even back when Keith was sixteen and Shiro snuck him out for his first hoverbike race at night, long after the Garrison’s curfew.

It’s still how Keith views their relationship, no matter Shiro’s own feelings about it all, and Shiro’s clearly more messed up than he’ll ever be able to tell anyone, since he’s pretty sure you’re not supposed to dream of all the places you want to put your mouth on someone’s body when that someone calls you his _brother_.

“Hell- _o_? New Altea to Shirogane?”

Shiro snaps his gaze back to Veronica, blinking at her. “Sorry, what? What were you saying?”

“Curtis. We were talking about how you’re going to pretend to date each other.”

“I’m not going to ask Curtis to be my fake boyfriend.”

“You won’t have to. I’ve already done it and he said he was okay with it.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Told you, you don’t have to worry about any of this.” Veronica reaches over to pat his shoulder twice. “He’s a good sport. You should be, too.”

Shiro gapes at her before trying to gather himself. “You do know I’m leaving in two weeks and I don't even know when I'll be back, right?”

“Exactly! Everyone will think it's so sad how you're separated, drifting apart – with you, all alone among the stars, after having a slowburn secret romance in the background all along. They won't be able to wait for you to return!”

“I – … I’m already on the show. As myself. They can't just care about me coming back because I'm, oh, I don't know, the whole reason the Atlas can fly and everything?”

“You're not the _whole_ reason she can fly. Don't get all big-headed just because you do happen to be the only one who can turn this bad gal into a huge-ass fighting robot.”

Shiro snorts. “Either way, the point is that I’m cool. All on my own. Even if I don’t take my shirt off.”

Veronica lets out a hearty laughter, smiling fondly at him. “You’re literally the lamest guy I know.”

“…You grew up with Lance.”

“I said what I said.” Veronica’s still grinning when Shiro rolls his eyes, but then she squints at him, back to business again. “I’m thinking if we start by dropping small hints of you being together right away, we can hold an engagement celebration between the two of you at your retirement party.”

“It’s not a retirement party.” Shiro frowns. “I’m just taking some time off, jeez. I’ll be back before the year is over. I’m not even thirty.”

As surreal as it still feels to think about approaching his thirties and not panicking over it, it’s so nice every time he gets to remind both himself and others of that fact. He’s not even _thirty_ , and that’s not something he has to cling to, neither like a comforting blanket nor a protective shield – he’s not even thirty, and the only thing it means for Shiro is that he still has so much time left to do whatever he wants, even after passing that point.

“Yet you’re walking around with that hair. And saying stuff like ‘jeez’ in actual conversations.”

“I died to get this hair. It’s cool.”

Veronica fights back another smile. “Whatever you say, grandpa.”

“Remind me again how I’m the one you want to be your sexy romance rep for your ridiculous little fake documentary show?”

“The minds of those attracted to men is something I’ll never be able to comprehend.” Veronica waves him off with a hum, inspecting her nails as she says, “And hey, Keith’s coming too, right?”

“What?”

“To your little farewell gathering. Keith will be there?”

“Uh, yeah.” Shiro swallows, trying not to drift off again at the thought of getting to see him so soon. It’s been months since the last time they even talked, and while Shiro knows it’s hard to get a good communications signal in a lot of the remote locations the Blades often travel to in their work, he also knows Acxa doesn’t seem to be having those issues quite as often whenever she misses Veronica. “Yeah, I hope so, but… you know you can invite Acxa either way, right? I’m sure she’s allowed to take a break if she asked for it, whatever the occasion. Even if – Keith didn’t come too.”

He’s not even sure if Keith _is_ coming, as badly as he hopes so. Because they haven’t talked, so they haven’t talked about that. They haven’t talked about anything lately.

The thing that hurts the most about Keith distancing himself isn’t even how in love Shiro is with him, not the ever-present sting of knowing it can never be – but more than anything, Keith has always been his _best friend_ , and now Shiro’s managed to ruin that too.

He knows it’s his fault, even if Keith would never admit it to his face.

It’s never mattered in the past how much they do or don’t talk, how long time they’ve spent apart, because as soon as they’ve been reunited, it’s always felt like coming home. Nowadays Shiro has no idea if Keith actually wants to return to him, or if he’s just keeping in touch every now and then from a sense of loyalty rooted so deep in their past it makes it impossible for Keith to ever walk away from him – from them and what they are, or at least what they used to be – completely.

Veronica snorts next to him. “Of course I know I can invite Acxa, and of course Keith would let her go on her own. I was just thinking – this makes it super extra the perfect opportunity for this whole thing, no matter how reluctant you want to act about it.”

“…You’ve lost me again. What does Keith have to do with any of this?”

“Just sayin’. If you let yourself be seen with another guy, maybe let a certain _someone_ know just how badly a lot of other people want you, something might actually happen between the two of you.”

Shiro feels his insides go cold, doing his best to not let it show, only leveling her with a sharp stare. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Really? Because I bet all of your admirers online aren’t the only ones who would get jealous of you planting one on Curtis.”

“He wouldn’t – … I’m not trying to make Keith jealous!”

“I know. Isn’t that the whole issue?”

“I have no _reason_ to try to make him jealous and – like I said, I have no idea what you’re trying to insinuate, but you’re out of line and we’re done talking about this.” Shiro lifts his chin, straightening up a little in his seat as he clenches his jaw. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to work. We’ve wasted enough time on this nonsense.”

Veronica lifts an unimpressed eyebrow but Shiro doesn’t back down, and she finally sighs with a roll of her eyes, admitting defeat by sliding down from her seat on the desk.

“Well, nice talking to you too, Captain,” she says as Shiro goes back to staring at his desk, focusing intently on the screen of the datapad laying there, tapping on it once to make it flicker back to life. “We’re still shooting a cute a little moment between you and Curtis tonight in the lunch bay, and then we should make sure to look into different outfit options for the engagement party, so be prepared.”

Shiro glances up at her again. “Enga–?”

“ _Fake_ engagement party, sorry, sorry.”

“I really think you’re taking this way too – ”

“Eh,” she waves a hand at him, “just focus on daydreaming about your big ol’ dumb ship or whatever it is you keep yourself occupied with at night, and leave the production of our wonderful groundbreaking smash hit straight-to-the-web series to the geniuses. That’s me and Nadia, by the way.”

Veronica gives him one last toothy smile and a two-fingered salute before she twirls around, walking out of the room.

The doors to his office slide shut behind her, and Shiro can’t help but to slump in his chair, hiding behind his left palm and pressing the pads of his fingers against his eyelids as he takes a moment to keep his breath from shuddering out of him.

She’s just teasing.

He knows she is.

But it’s not just the shame squeezing his heart at the confirmation of other people catching onto his feelings about Keith (meaning his worst fears really are true, because if others can tell, what chance has Shiro ever stood against hiding it from the one person who’s always known him the best…?) that’s hard to deal with. Not when any talk of his perceived loneliness – the friendly probing about dating and calling him a workaholic and joking about how no one actually _knows_ him – always manages to hit a little too close to home, since it’s _true_.

Shiro loves his crew, his coworkers, the job they do.

He really, really does.

He’s happy here.

Having a ship to call his own, a proper one to explore space with, was always his ultimate goal, and Shiro couldn’t have imagined something like the Atlas even in his wildest dreams.

So he loves it.

He loves the people around him.

He loves it in all the ways he always loved being with the Paladins in the Castle of Lions. In the way where he knows the people around him care about him too, but there’s never not been a disconnection there between them, no matter what he does. There’s always some part of Shiro staying the superior, the proper adult, even in the eyes of those among his own age. There’s the older people Shiro respects and has a great time with too, sure, people he’s known a long time – like Coran, Sam, Iverson – but they’re not exactly his drinking buddies; a proud pat on the back and praise of how far Shiro’s come and what good work they’re doing out there what most of their conversations off duty boil down to.

There's only been two people in recent years he wholeheartedly hasn’t felt that way around, where there’s never been that divide between them, and now he has neither Keith nor Allura around him anymore.

Shiro swallows against the sadness sitting solid in his chest, molded in like it’s a part of him by now, and scoots his chair in closer to the desk. Putting his glasses back on, he goes back to focusing on the work he has left for the day, and forces himself to drown out his thoughts of things he can’t do anything about anyway, no matter how badly he wishes it could be different.


	2. Chapter 2

**Earth, Two Years Earlier**

~

Shiro only goes unnoticed when Lance hops down from the Black Lion because when he first arrives, Shiro can’t stop himself from pausing at the sight of it all. His lion, Keith’s lion, parked out here in the desert that used to mean hoverbike racing after sneaking away from what now feels like a completely different life, whether Shiro was alone or with someone he cared for while doing so.

Still, this spot right here, has always been something he’s considered to be just for him and Keith.

As soon as Lance has headed the other way – in a hurry and leaving without as much as a glance over his shoulder to where Shiro’s standing – Shiro makes his way over to one of Black’s front paws. He climbs up the steps indented at the side of her leg with familiar ease, until he can swing his arm up at her temple. The metal of his prosthetic hits the surface of where he’s hauling himself up with a loud _clunk_ , alerting Keith to his presence before Keith’s even spotted him.

“Alright, Lance, now I feel like you’re just fish–” Keith trails off as Shiro pops his head into view, “…ing for compliments. Hey.”

“Hi.” Shiro gives him a warm smile, trying to hold back the yawn threatening to end his greeting. “Got room for one more up here?”

The surprised expression on Keith’s face gives way for a soft smile as he scoots over, as if the best seat is right in the middle of Black’s wise old forehead and he wants to make sure Shiro gets to sit there. “Of course.”

Shiro walks over and plops down next to him, every muscle in his body sighing in relief over finally getting to sit on his ass after the long day of making sure they’re ready for taking off with the Atlas tomorrow.

The sun has almost finished setting, and he can’t help but to feel a pang of regret and guilt for showing up so late. Before he can say anything, there’s the scrape of claws of a wolf stretching out his front legs, and then a fluffy tail wagging as the wolf half-crawls around Keith’s back to poke his nose against Shiro’s waist, sniffing at him.

“Aaand hello to you too, lil’ pup,” Shiro says and leans down to grab the wolf’s face between his palms, pressing their foreheads together while ruffling his ears. Straightening back up with a grin, Shiro allows a slobbery kiss to be planted on his cheek with unrestrained glee. Keith’s smiling fondly at the whole display when Shiro turns back to him, laughing out loud when Shiro pulls a face over the drool the wolf left in his wake. Looking around helplessly, Shiro finally decides on gently wiping it off first on his hand, then on the side of Black’s head, silently hoping she won’t be too offended by the action. “Did – he get even bigger since just, like. This morning?”

“Huh?” Keith twists around to look down at the wolf where he’s settling in behind them, pressing up close to both of their backs. “…Oh. Yeah. Maybe? Dunno how big he’s supposed to get but he doesn’t seem to actually stop growing.”

“And he hasn’t told you?”

“Oh, _ha ha_ , very funn– hey!” Keith tries to squirm away from his hand when Shiro goes to ruffle his hair, swatting at Shiro’s wrist only to end up hitting the air when Shiro zaps the arm out of reach.

“I was being serious!” Shiro says, but he can’t stop himself from laughing as Keith pats at his hair where presumably he thinks it got messed up. Keith mostly just looks adorable, in Shiro's own opinion, even with a couple of strands sticking up at the back of his head.

“Mhm. Sure you were.”

“So…” Shiro leans in a little to nudge Keith’s shoulder with his own, and doesn’t bother to pull back as far as they were once he’s done. “Still no name, then?”

“You can just call him Kosmo, you know.” Keith rolls his eyes as he glances at Shiro. “Everyone else does. I don’t think he minds it that much, honestly – at least not since he realized humans are the gateway to snack heaven.”

Shiro laughs again, looking over at the wolf where he’s grinning wide, tongue hanging out at one side of his mouth and drool continuing to run out of it. “I’m sure the wolf wouldn’t, but since when have I ever done anything around you the way _everyone else_ is doing it if you don’t like it?”

Keith scoffs, going a little red-faced as he looks back out at the sunset, rubbing his neck instead of answering. Shiro stays watching him, a small breeze moving the long strands of Keith’s hair at his neck as the silence stretches between them. Not uncomfortably so, because it never is when he’s with Keith, but the air still feels thick with things left unsaid.

At least on Shiro’s part.

“It’s, uh. Pretty beautiful out here, isn’t it?” Keith says eventually, keeping his eyes trained on the horizon. “I never really thought of it like that before all this happened and we left for space.”

“Yeah,” Shiro says, clearing his throat, trying to hold himself back from reaching out to stroke his fingers through Keith’s hair, to tuck the strands behind Keith’s ear and watch his eyes widen from the gesture. Still, he doesn’t bother to look over at what Keith’s referring to, watching his lovely profile instead. “I know how you feel.”  
  
Keith turns back to him, a little furrow forming between his brows before he smiles softly, something like longing in his expression. “Isn’t weird to think how sure I was I didn’t care about being here? Earth never really felt like home before… never could’ve imagined how much I’d miss this place.”  
  
“You thinking about settling down back in the old shack or something once we get back, Keith?” Shiro says, leaning back a little against the wolf’s sturdy presence behind him, putting his left hand in the fur at the wolf’s neck to scratch through it as he smiles back at Keith. “Retire early and lead a quiet life on Earth?”  
  
“I wouldn’t go that far.” Keith laughs like the thought of it alone is ridiculous, before he nods up at the sky, his gaze catching at whatever he sees up there. “I mean, there’s still so much to see. As long as we make sure it’s still there once all of this is over, at least.”  
  
“Of course it’s still gonna be there,” Shiro says, and – because even after everything, he still loves the stars – adds, “and I for one can’t wait to finally explore it. Without war and everything happening around us, I mean.”  
  
“Me too.” Keith grins wider, looking all relaxed and dreamy at the thought of their future. Then he sighs, squinting his eyes when Shiro stays quiet, Keith’s smile slowly falling away.

Shiro clears his throat again, looking out at the sunset, trying to both gather and steel himself for what he needs to say next. The easiness he feels around Keith makes it hard to break through the moment to seize his opportunity, but it’s also the reason Shiro needs to make sure they have this conversation now, as long overdue as it is.

But just as Shiro opens his mouth to speak, Keith beats him to it. “So, they, uh,” he says. “Finally decided to give you a break?”

The wolf squirms a little unhappily behind him and Shiro pulls his hand back to rest it at his side instead, curling it into a fist. He doesn’t blame the wolf – it’s probably noticeable how sweaty Shiro’s palm has gone. Sighing, Shiro scrunches his nose at Keith. “…Not so much ‘gave me a break’ as forcibly shoved me out and told me to take one?”

“Glad they know what’s up,” Keith says, nodding once, serious the way he always gets when Shiro tries to make light of anything related to his own health and taking care of himself properly – be it stress-levels or physical injuries. “I would’ve dragged you out myself eventually if you hadn’t, but then I – I guess I got stuck out here.”  
  
Shiro hums as Keith flicks his gaze back to the sunset again. “Yeah, well… I do seem to recall giving you an order, mister. So what _are_ you doing out here all alone?”  
  
“I’m not alone. Got the wolf, and Black, and – now you’re here with me, too.”  
  
“Sure, but it’s almost dark, and I just got here.” Shiro gives him a side-smile and tries to catch his eye, but Keith just shrugs, picking at a spot on the knee of his uniform pants. “Thought I told you to spend the day with the ones you love.”  
  
“Yeah, but I – I don’t know – I mean. I know I can’t be ungrateful, so don’t get me wrong, but – man. I love my mom. I really, _really_ do, and I’m so happy to have her here, I can’t tell you, but… sometimes you just need a break from her, you know?” Keith glances at Shiro as soon as he’s said it, scratching at the back of his head. “I, uh. Didn’t mean that as an actual question – ”

“Keith,” Shiro turns his foot to poke the toe of his boot against Keith’s calf, “I think we’ve bonded enough over being poor parentless abandoned kids and how awkward everyone makes it by not knowing what to say to not have these moments get weird between us, yeah?”

“…Yeah.” Keith huffs out a laugh, but Shiro can tell it’s half-hearted. He doesn’t get why Keith seems so nervous, so stumbling over his own words, and he can’t keep from worrying when Keith continues stammering, “I guess. It’s – I just…”

“What?” Shiro says gently, laying a hand on Keith’s shoulder when Keith trails off again, going silent.

“I’ve just kept thinking about – it just sucks if _you’re_ alone on a day like this.” Keith flicks his eyes back to Shiro’s face again, pulling his knees up against his chest, wrapping his arms around them before gesturing with a hand as he keeps talking. “You always spend so much time making sure everyone else takes time for themselves, doing what they love, and – it just _kills_ me to think you have to spend your own day working. I wish you could’ve had someone to come home to, Shiro. You deserve that. You… deserve all the love in the world. There’s _no one_ who deserves it more than you do, you’re the best person there is, you care so much for everyone else, and – I wish I could help make that happen for you. Somehow.”

“Oh.” Shiro’s eyebrows shoot up, the blush hitting his face full force and spreading over his cheeks. It doesn’t matter how many times Keith has shown his love for him; Shiro still feels wholly unprepared for Keith’s direct sincerity and the way those words squeeze his heart. And of course Keith always has to beat Shiro to it. The thought makes Shiro bite his bottom lip around his smile, despite how overwhelmingly flustered he still feels when he hangs his head. “Keith, I – …”

Shiro licks his lips, the silence stretching between them again as he searches his mind for the right words to say.

“… Yeah?”

Keith’s looking at him again when Shiro glances back up, so Shiro forces himself to be brave, too. He scoots even closer, until the whole side of their upper bodies are pressed together, and puts his floating arm next to Keith’s other side. Not quite holding him, but close enough Keith knows it’s there, boxing Keith in.

Steeling himself, Shiro makes sure his next breath doesn’t tremble on the exhale, because – this is it.

This is the moment he has been waiting for, the moment he’s been overthinking and dancing around and wondered how to handle for so long. This is the moment he’s been wishing he could make sure is perfect, while having no idea how to make it so – but what better place is there, than here? Watching the sunset together, in their spot, making Shiro feel nostalgic over the past but optimistic about the future all at once?

“Keith,” Shiro tries again, finding the old familiar comfort of saying his name. “I’m – flattered you feel that way, but there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”

Keith goes rigid next to him, tensing up in a way that throws Shiro off track for a moment. “Okay?”

He’s not sure why Keith’s looking so defensive and wide-eyed all of a sudden.

Maybe it’s just the general fight or flight response most people get over a sentence like that, the vagueness of someone demanding a conversation.

“And it’s – way, _way_ overdue, and I don’t have an excuse for that,” Shiro soldiers on, forcing himself not to stop this from happening, not to use whatever is going through Keith’s mind as another excuse to leave it for later. “We should’ve done so a long time ago, _I_ should have done so a long time ago. Before we even got back here, really, but with everything that’s happened, and then – … no, you know what, whatever. It doesn’t matter now. What I’m trying to say is, you know back at the – when we were… when we had our, uh – … I mean, when my mind wasn’t – ”

“Shiro.” Keith reaches up to place his palm on Shiro’s shoulder, squeezing when Shiro makes himself look at Keith’s face again. He already hates himself for how he’s tripping over every word before he’s even started to get anything of what he needs to say out. “Hey. If this is about our fight, we don’t have to talk about that if it’s too hard. I don’t care how long it takes. We never have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I know that wasn’t you, or – even the clone. I’ve never blamed either of you for it.”

Shiro lifts his own palm to place it over the back of Keith’s hand, holding on tight. “No, no, I do want to. It’s not too hard. I mean, it _is_ hard, it’s hard to even think about it, but I just – ” He looks up to meet Keith’s eyes, squeezing his hand again. “I feel so bad for not telling you sooner, but – I just need you to know… that I love you. I love you, too.”

Keith’s eyes go wide, his body visibly startling, like in no scenario could he ever have expected that happening, and Shiro’s heart breaks all over again because of what a coward he’s been. “You – ?”

“Yeah. I _love_ you, Keith. I remember everything you told me, and I should have let you know as soon as I woke up. As soon as I could have. You told me something so important, in the worst possible situation, and I should’ve let you know a long time ago I feel the same way. About you.”

“The – the same way?”

“I love you,” Shiro repeats reassuringly, squeezing his hand again, “and that’s the thing about days like today, right? Spending it with those who are the closest to you. Your… your family. And _you’re_ my family. The best family I could’ve ever hoped for, and I love you more than anyone else in my life. I’ve never needed to have someone to come back to on Earth, because you’ve always been with me, and – I’m just glad that if we have to go through this, both what’s in the past and now whatever comes next, you’re the one who’s by my side.”

“Shiro…”

“And you deserve to know that, because you deserve all the love in the world, too, Keith. You’ll never know how glad I am that I met you. Getting to visit your classroom turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to me and not a day goes by I’m not grateful not only for how you were brave enough to trust me, but also for how you’ve stuck with me through everything. I’ve done… I’ve put you through so much I never should’ve – …” Shiro swallows against the thickness in his throat, shaking his head when his voice breaks on the words. “There’s just no way for me to tell you how much you _mean_ to me, Keith. I couldn’t have done any of this, really, without you, and I – I owe you my life. I love you so much, Keith.”

Shiro’s hands tremble once he finally stops talking, his insides feeling scraped raw and bleeding, his soul like an open wound from how exposed everything is now. He might be fine with words and giving speeches when he knows what to say, when Shiro knows what others want to hear. When he knows what he wants to inspire in the people listening – but it’s so different being _honest_ , to be confessing something personal like this and speaking from his heart to someone so important to him.

There’s no time for Shiro to think too hard about how he’s going to keep himself together, or where to go from here, though, because Keith surges forward, throwing his arms around him and pulling Shiro close in a hug so tight he feels crushed with it, but in the absolute best way possible.

“That’s not true, Shiro,” Keith says, voice fierce and heartfelt even from where it’s muffled against Shiro’s chest. “That’s not _true_ , you don’t owe me _anything_ – because you’ve done all of those things for me too.”

“Keith,” Shiro says, the only thing he can say, tugging him even closer by folding his arms around Keith’s back, enveloping him as good as he can and holding on tight.

He hides his nose in the curve of Keith’s neck, overcome by the scent of Keith’s soft hair as they hug in silence, time stretching out for what feels like forever. Keith seems almost desperate with it, his fingers digging into Shiro’s back, and Shiro’s so, so sorry he didn’t do this earlier – but he didn’t know how to make this right, how to present his apology for everything he’s put Keith through without simply adding to the hurt, or have it seem like he was making it all about himself. Because Keith does deserve everything, and now –

Keith pulls back, looking up at him wide-eyed and stunned, before he furrows his brows. “So you – you really… feel the same? The same way I told you I feel about you? Exactly… that kind of same way?”

“Yes.” Shiro lifts his left palm to place it at the side of Keith’s throat, thumb resting at the start of his cheek, above the sharp line of his jaw. After Shiro’s stayed silent for so long, he understands if Keith has some doubts, but now when it’s out in the open, Shiro has no trouble reassuring him. As many times as it takes. “Of course I do. I love you.” His eyes flick to Keith’s mouth, because now, after all this time – thinking and waiting and planning how to make this the perfect moment – Shiro really did just finally do it. And now after finally confessing, he’ll just do _this_ , kiss Keith while watching the same sunset they’d been at all those years ago, and –

“I love you too, Shiro,” Keith says before Shiro can lean in, and Shiro’s heart squeezes again at hearing those words again said in Keith's voice. The smile comes automatically, halting him in his movements, and before he knows it Keith has wrapped him up in another hard hug. Shiro closes his eyes and holds him back, completely fine with this too. “And I – _Shiro_.” Keith sighs, rubbing his cheek against him like he wants to snuggle in even closer, until they're pressed as close as they can be. “I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re my family. You’re the best big brother I could’ve ever asked for. You have no idea how thankful I am that you feel that way.”

Shiro’s eyes fly open where he's staring over Keith’s shoulder, his nose still pressed to Keith’s neck as he blinks, once, twice.

Wait.

_What?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> come yell at me about how dumb sheith are on [twitter](https://twitter.com/sugarcubeshiro) ♥

**Author's Note:**

> [twitter](https://twitter.com/sugarcubeshiro)


End file.
